How do you regain your moxie and your drive?

Hello everyone,

That is the question, "How do you regain your moxie and your drive(ambition)?" Especially when you have reached age 75?

I don't know the answer to this question, but it is a question I am having to deal with now. How do you set new goals? How? Do you do it for yourself, your children, your grandchildren, or do you do it for yourself?
Each of these questions need an answer, otherwise what is the point in living?

For those of you who haven't been involved in the ongoing situation with my wife, a bit of explanation is in order.

For the last 12 years I have been taking care of my wife as she is suffering from Post Polio Syndrome. This disease causes the person to become steadily weaker and weaker over time. It is a degenerative disease that has no cure and will finally be fatal. About 6 weeks ago, Claudia had a rather violent attack which left her pretty much paralyzed. In the intervening weeks she has regained enough strength and motion in her one arm and both hands to allow her to feed herself, most of the time. I am no longer able to care for her, because of my weak heart. I have 40% loss of heart function, so I don't have the strength or the stamina to take care of Claudia as she should be cared for. Claudia is now in a nursing home with included hospice care. This means that she has 24/7 attendance and the means for ensuring that she receives the pain medications that she needs.
I must give kudoos and huzzaahs to my daughter Elizabeth for being the major mover and shaker in getting Claudia into the nursing home. I am certain, that had I tried to do what she did, I would now be in a rubber room babbling incoherently, and drooling at the mouth. I certainly went through a hell of a lot of nitro tablets, because of angina pains. 

Post Polio attacks and kills the nerves and it burns like fire as it progresses. God Bless Claudia for the strength and resolve she has shown over the years.
Now that Claudia is in a nursing home, I need to find something to do with my time, so that I don't sit and brood all day long.


During all of the trials and challenges of getting Claudia taken care of,  Elizabeth and her family and friends have helped me to move into an apartment much nearer to her and her husbands family, and of course my grandchildren. Unfortunately, my move is not complete, as there is still a significant amount of stuff to be moved.

I remember as a newly married young man, I was trying to go to college, on the GI Bill, while also trying to pay for an apartment and normal everyday expenses for two of us. My major challenge was trying to find some kind of part time work, while going to college. This was in 1958, which was a major recession at the time. I couldn't even find work pumping gas,(yes, pumping gas was a paying job) as college graduates were taking those kind of jobs on a full time basis. I tried everywhere I could think of to find some kind of work, with absolutely no luck. Then, since I really was feeling lacking as a husband and wage earner, I decided to try and find work full time.

Again, I wasn't having any luck, until my dad said, why didn't I call ASA Headquarters in Arlington, VA and see if they were hiring crypto repairmen. It turns out that they were indeed in need of repairman, so I went to work for the Department of Defense as a civilian in the Army Security Agency. Since this was a full time job, I had to quit college, since they didn't have evening and weekend classes back in those days.
What I am trying to do with all of this explanation, is to show that what I wound up doing as a career, wasn't so much planned as it was luck and/or fate driving me to do what I did.
In my own defense, once I set out to do this kind of work, I did it to the very best of my ability. And for the most part I enjoyed the work that I did.

Most of the time my work was in the repair of crypto equipment of one kind or another, but occasionally I was sent out on undercover(as in spy) work. And since I couldn't talk about what I did, my first wife didn't know what I was doing. I would go off on these undercover jobs, but I couldn't tell her where I was going or why. I know this had to be extremely hard on her, as we had three girls, who are very close in age within the first four years of our marriage. It was extremely tough for her.

As for me, all I could think of, was my responsibility for earning a living so that I could provide all the things that a family needs. Did I do a good job? I thought so at the time. Do I think so now? I am not so sure! You like to think you did some good, but you never really know, do you?

Well! have I answered my original question? No! I haven't! Would anybody out there have any answers to my original question? You tell me!

As it happens I ran across an article in the AARP Magazine called the "The Boss of Me". I am going to quote some of what the article puts forth:

FIND YOUR FOCUS Struggling to motivate yourself? Take this expert advice:
Use new words; Try terms that reflect your life now, says Helen Dennis coauthor of Project Renewment: After you retire, "is there a new way to define productivity?"

Time your tasks; Notice the hours when you think the most clearly, says Barbara Waxman, a certified personal coach. Schedule your most challenging work then.

Log off; Carve out work time without e-mail and phone, says Robert Dittmer, author of 151 Quick Ideas to Manage your Time.

Each of these ideas has merit and I am going to try and implement them. But first I need to determine what I am going to focus on.

I would love hearing from you folks, with any suggestions as to what to do.

God Bless from the gahillbilly.



"(C) Copyright by Victor Winebrenner"